My life with the Sullivan boys

We are five minutes out of St. Cloud on Highway 15, at a stop light I contort my torso to reach back to put the oximeter probe on Dermot's tiny index finger. He sounds like an old fashioned coffee percolator...O2 78, yikes. "Dermot, you have to cough for me buddy!" no response. I'm on the highway, looking for the next turn off. One more mile, no coughs, the oximeter is beeping double time now. Finally, I turn off the highway and into the Walmart parking lot in Sartell. I keep the car running because of the heat, get out and enter through the sliding van door to the back. I move around Cookie who is laying dutifully on her bed and reach for the deep suction catheter in his supply bag. Got it. Still panic beeping. I carefully thread the long, thin plastic tubing down Dermot's mouth and turn the suction machine on. Sucking, sucking, a moment of breath holding and up comes a giant glob of mucus all over his bib. That's what he needed. O2 level? 89. Really? S...

Covid 19 racism is alive and well no school stay at home save money gaining weight my son has no friends my other son has to stay home for the rest of the year i am constantly trying to find my purpose I miss my mom I miss my friends I miss places I grieve for my former life I am not alone, but knowing that doesn't make it better Society is in upheaval people are dying my oldest son is never home I'm afraid most days I just started online shopping again I just stopped weighing myself everyday I need a fucking haircut its really hot outside today I'm trying to plan my tasks for the day and i never know where to begin my youngest is always on his screens he screams at me when I tell him to do his chores around the house he is really unhappy a little bit of laundry, then i jump to the dishes I should really walk the dogs I should really make Ryan walk the dogs maybe I should take them to the dog park is it too hot for the dog park? sorry the doo...

Lipstick might be the cure right now. My mother always says: "let me put some lipstick on so I don't look dead." I remember visiting my grandma in the hospital when she was actually dying and she always had lipstick on. So acting as if might be the solution right now. I've been angry since I drove home from Dermot's last doctor's appointment seven days ago. His nurse was convinced there was something wrong with him, I was not. At the time I thought I was just being selfish because the thought of going back to the same building where we had been last week and the week prior for and eleven day stay made my skin crawl. AND, I told myself that I would trust the nurses perspective more, so we were off to the doctor for a mysterious rash/swelling foot thingy. Appointment was at 10 am, which meant I'd miss both opportunities to workout at my new favorite gym. Please let me explain that moving my body a lot everyday  is essential to my mental health. We were...