Tuesday, September 4, 2012


God dam nit! God Damn it! I shouted as loud as my lungs would let me. My cute adorable little beagle had done it again. God damn it! I couldn't stop shouting. My four year old looked at me as if I was a crazy person.

"Mom, that hurts my ears." he informed me. "
"I'm sorry honey, mommy's really angry. I'll try to stop yelling so loud." I told him as I was feverishly removing the slipcover on my white canvas couch.

I moved this couch down from the boys room for a fresh start. No dog drool or urine. No stains, no gross history. Just fresh crisp white couch. Until this morning. I was arranging the cute new throw pillows on my pristine couch when I noticed the puddle. God damn it!

My sense of order has been rocked. My idea of how things are isn't true. My dog peed on my couch. Again.

Dermot starts kindergarten tomorrow. He's going to be fine. He will love it. His teachers will love him. I know all of this , I do. But the thought of dropping him off to a new school with hundreds of students that don't know how amazing he is scares me. Leaving him with teachers who've met him once, para professionals that don't know what his sounds mean and what he like to play with freaks me out. Everything is going to be fine. I've been telling myself this all summer long. I've been relatively calm about. I've been telling all my friends that I'm not really worried.

But it's tomorrow and I already can't sleep. My worry manifests itself by wiping the counters clean, watering all the plants AND the trees outside, folding and refolding my sheets just so, shopping on the internet. I'm pretty sure I have enough beads to make 20 necklaces now!

But this dog, she did it again. God damn it! Just when I thought I had it covered. The old stained couch tucked away it the upstairs office so no one could see all the stains from the past year, the smells of beagles, cat and old formula spit up. She peed on my newly created pristine environment and to my surprise, underneath the clean white cover there's new stains that I will have to deal with.

So when you come to visit, please know that my couch is not brand new, but it's washed, clean as I can make it. Stains will come and go and no matter how hard I try to make things just so, someone will pee on it and I will have to clean it up.

Does any of this make any sense?

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