To give care.


Noelle

Jes

Jess

Mark

Melissa

Beauty

Darci

Lydia

Lilian

Erin

Cynthia

Zoey

Amanda

Beth

Danny

Talila

Elin

Mauvlette

Lauren

Kayla

Anoma

Shafali

Duane

Ashley

Laurie

Beth

Donna

Nicole

Cate

Brittany

Abbey

Dee

Katie

Tuujii

Cari

Clara

April

Eileen

Emma

Evalyne

Cassie

Isabella

Meridith

Mike

Ashley

Esther

Elayna

Larone

Sharo

Tonya

Anne

This is a list of some of Dermot's caregivers over the years. I'm sure I've forgotten some.

This list brings up a lot of feelings. Gratitude, anxiety, shame, joy, sadness, longing, exhaustion, anger, frustration, and desperation

You see, all of these people have been in and out of my house, all day, every day. They come and go depending on their dedication to their jobs and when the next step on their career ladder is met. Some I knew for years and still stay in touch. Some others show up once or twice, then ghost us, leaving us no explanation for their departure. They see and hear our family's conversations, our arguments, and they hear me when I fart in the next room or see me answer the door in my pajamas. Some fold our laundry and wash our dishes, all the while I wonder if they realize how much control they have over our family. 

They decide if I'll be able to get out for a morning run or get my errands done during the day. They decide if my husband and I can go out to dinner or take the dogs to the dog park. It all depends on whether they decide to show up.

Their decision matters so much that my mental health is directly related to the amount of extra care I have for Dermot. If they decide to call out a shift because they don't feel like coming in, my day changes in an instant. No workout, no haircut appointment, no dogs get walked, nothing happens except me caring for Dermot. No side tasks get done, as he is a full-time job.

I decided to see if I could remember all of the caregivers' names. I knew I couldn't possibly remember all of them, but this is close. It's overwhelming. I trained each and every one. I taught them how to care for Dermot with gentleness and respect. I asked them to talk to him, even though he won't talk back. I instructed them on how to bathe Dermot, how to dress him, emphasizing the importance of putting his left arm into his sleeve first, as it's easier that way. Where to put his diapers after they've changed him, reminded them to record his bowel movements on the chart provided. I've asked nicely and reminded them frequently to put their phones away and be present with my son. Read him a book, play him some music, rub his feet. These tasks are what mothers do. These tasks are mine. I had to share them. 

Again, my mental health is decided in many ways, but I feel most like who I was before all of this happened when I have extra care for Dermot. 

So here's a list of dos and don'ts if you're going to care for my son, and I agree to pay you over $30 per hour:

Get off your phone

Respect my son by paying attention to him

Show up on time for your shift

Don't smoke a bowl in your car before coming into work

Don't make your problems my problem. You are here to help me, not the other way around

Don't text me five minutes before your shift to tell me you quit

Call me to tell me you quit

Call me on the phone if you are sick

Don't waste my time if you don't like what you are doing; leave

Remember, you are in my home, it is not just your workplace-act accordingly

Be nice and be good at what you do.










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