Friday, November 6, 2009

Before and after

"i can't imagine having a child with disabilites"

I get that a lot. So do my other special needs mamas. The truth is I can't imagine it either. Never in my lifetime had I even thought that it would be a possibilty.

If you've ever read the poem "Road Map To Holland" ( google it ), it describes the reality of having a child with disabilites like going to a country other than the one you planned on. I personally hate that poem. I think the author wrote it to make the people who don't have kids with disabilties feel better, comforted. Believe me, it's not at all like going to Holland instead of Italy. I've been to both of those places. They are not that different. Just the language and the food.

My worries before special needs:

Owen only slept for ten hours last night
Owen has a runny nose
Owen started throwing toys at other kids
This stroller doesn't fit in the back of my Mercedes Benz
Don't give him peanut butter before age three!
I hope I'm able to finish the book before book club meets
I wish my husband would come home so I can go to yoga
I have to remember to invite Debby and Sara over for the movie on Friday
What if Owen drops his nap before he's three?
Should I potty train at 2-1/2?
Should I let Owen wear a diaper or a pull-up to bed?
Is it okay to let Owen watch more than an hour of TV a day?
Am I ever going to wear this black bikini again or should I stick with the brown one?

My worries after special needs:

Is Dermot going to die?
Am I going to die before Dermot?
Is it okay to give Dermot five medications at a time?
This stroller doesn't support Dermot's head.
Will people treat me differently because my son is different?
Can I make it for three months without my nanny?
Am I going to have a nervous breakdown before age forty?
Do I have any friends that understand me?
Why aren't my old friends calling me as much?
Should Ryan be watching so much TV while I feed and care for Dermot?
How on earth can I bring all three kids to the park by myself?
When will I get a shower?
Should I be counting Dermot's seizures everyday?
Is the Depakote working?
I hope they can find a vein when Dermot gets his blood draw next Monday.
What will I do when Dermot is too big for me to carry?
What will I do when Dermot is too big for me to hold?
Will Dermot's brothers help him or resent him when they're older?

1 comment:

Fawn said...

That's a beautiful photo, Sue. I wish I could say something comforting about your worries. I'm sending warm thoughts and positive energy your way.